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When Mother’s Day is Hard

For some who mother, Mother’s Day is filled with flowers, cards, gifts and sometimes, pampering from their children. They may bring you breakfast in bed or try to let you “sleep in” past 8 am. You may get a few minutes to drink coffee in the quiet. You might get a gift card for a trip to the spa or even that new purse you’ve been eying. And you don’t forget your own mom! You take her a gift and a card. You tell her time and time again how much she means to you and your family. For many it is a great day.

when Mother's Day is hardBut this is not the case for everyone.

The older I get, the more I see pain and heartache on Mother’s Day. I see people who have lost their mother or their child. I see those who never knew their mother or did not have the traditional relationship with their mom while they were growing up. This day reminds them of this again.

If you have a person in your life who you saw as your mom when yours was not there or could not be there, let them know that they filled that role for you. My at-a-time second mom had no daughters of her own, but my own mother lived far away and could not always be there. She filled that void for me at the time. I will forever be grateful to her and everything she taught me.
Mother’s Day can also be painful for ones who are not yet a mother to earth side children.

The hopeful ones who hold onto that little bit of hope every month and who are jumping over hurdle after hurdle to win the grand prize of a child in their arms. This day can be a harsh reminder that they are not there yet. The ones who had child, but they are no longer earth side, I’m so sorry that this day hurts for you. You are seen. You are not forgotten.

It can be hard even if you have both your children and your mom earth side.

You love your mom, but you don’t have a great relationship with her. You see social media photos of happy mothers and children and you just wish you could get there too. It is okay to be sad about this. If you must avoid a family gathering to protect your heart, this is okay. Pain demands to be felt. How you choose to feel it and handle it is a very personal journey. Having to tell my own mom some very difficult news on Mother’s Day was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

It can be hard for those who are not able to be with their mom or child on Mother’s Day.

This can be due to work, custody schedules, quarantine, illness, living states or even countries apart, any number of things. This hurts knowing your loved one is so far away and you can’t spend this day with them. This is something I have very personal experience with.

If you know someone who may have a hard time around Mother’s Day, send them a text to let them know you are thinking of them or call them to check in. It only takes a few minutes. If their mother (or child) is on the other side of the great divide, talk about them. Say their name. This can bring a little sunshine to a rainy day.

For those of you whose hearts are aching on Mother’s Day – you miss your mom, you are not in contact with your mom, you never had a mom or never knew her, you miss your children, your children are not here yet, your relationship with your mom is difficult – all of you. My heart is with you on Mother’s Day. On this day, do something that makes you happy, whether it is drink that extra cup of coffee or catch up on your shows.

Moms have the best job in the world. But let’s not forget to check in on each other on Mother’s Day and every day. Especially to this who may be feeling the heaviness of this day. The old saying of “It takes a village to raise a child” could not be truer.  Some of us don’t have a village and need that extra support even more. We’re all on the same team, right?


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