Dear Me,
Hi, it’s me. I know that you’re in the throes of trying to have a baby. You’re desperate and probably depressed. You’re tired of the medications, injections, appointments and pregnancy tests. You’ve endured devastating ultrasounds, miscarriages, emergency rooms, and surgeries. Pain and disappointment seem like they’ve moved in permanently.
I get it. I remember it vividly and I promise that I’ll never forget.
I have to let you know that you’re going to get through this and come out on the other side better and stronger. You’re going to become a mother, and someday you’re even going to decide that you’re done having kids. I know it seems like a baffling conclusion at this point but it will come. And when it does, you’re going to be okay with it.
Try Not To Obsess.
If you want to spend 90% of your time thinking about what you’re going through then at least spend 10% of that time actually living your life. If you can bear it, increase that percentage of living from time to time. Otherwise, all you’ll remember about your mid-to-late twenties is how miserable you were.
Don’t be afraid to skip the baby showers; it’s completely understandable. And when someone you know says something well-meaning but unintentionally hurtful, please let it go.
Don’t Lose Who You Are
We evolve as we age. Who I was at 16 was completely different than who I am at 36. Trying to have a baby, for some people, can deeply affect who they are. I worry that by diving in so deeply and not continuing with your own maturation process, you could miss out on some amazing personal growth opportunities.
Please find some ways to reconnect with the parts of you that bring you joy and that make you who you are.
Continue Blogging
Starting that blog was a great outlet for expressing your feelings about your infertility journey. You took it a step further and joined a community of other bloggers who were also struggling, along with those finding success. In blogging a support system exists filled with others who understand what you are going through.
What you also may not realize is that there are other women out there just like you who will stumble across your blog and find information and inspiration from your posts.
Normalize Infertility and Pregnancy Loss
You’ll find that as you continue on this journey, you’ll begin sharing your struggles, and even your successes with others. Don’t be afraid to keep doing that.
If you find a doctor that you love, share that with others.
If you find an easier way to navigate insurance for your fertility meds, add that to your blog.
If someone asks you if you have kids and you feel comfortable enough to share that you have more than one in heaven, then, by all means, say so.
If you want to post something on social media in honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness, then do it.
Advocate for Yourself
Don’t stop fighting for what you want to do. Yes, doctors make recommendations, but you don’t have to agree. Remember that doctor who wanted to take out your tubes in order to do IVF and you insisted on a second opinion? Great call, believe me.
Research the medications you’ve been prescribed. Know your lab orders and the results. Ask what everything means and learn the lingo. Being able to understand what the medical professionals are saying and then responding intelligently in return will be incredibly beneficial. It will be clear that you are actively involved in your own treatment.
Be Organized
Document what you can!
Have a timeline of your journey: when you started trying for a baby, what happened each month, list any pregnancies, blood tests, results, ultrasounds, etc. This way when you meet a new doctor or have to recall something, it’s right there for you.
Keeping that information organized will be crucial when talking to doctors, nurses and even pharmacists.
Keep the Faith
Even when the pain is so deep it feels like you’ll never dig out of it, I promise that you will. Motherhood is as hard as they say it is, but it’s the battle that you survived to get there that will help you endure it with extra appreciation and strength.
With love,
Me
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