Mama, Give Yourself the Gift of Grace

Giving ourselves grace is easier said than done. If you’ve got a lot on your [figurative] plate this Thanksgiving, we see you. Between cooking, cleaning, shuttling the kids around to family dinners and picking out outfits to appearing like a put-together family and entertaining the kids on their school break, it’s a lot. Sometimes it’s hard to feel #blessed when you’re drowning in chaos. As mothers, we beat ourselves up for mistakes and things out of our control. Giving yourself grace may be a cliche catchphrase, but it’s one we should start taking to heart — the times when you need grace the most are when you’re least likely to give it to yourself. This Thanksgiving, it’s time to accept “failures”, combat negative voices & vibes, and give yourself permission to just be this holiday season.

I used to have crippling anxiety. I cared so much what people think and demanded perfectionism of myself. I wanted the perfectly kept house, well-behaved kids, the showy Thanksgiving spread, and the ability to stop at one glass of wine. Hosting parties required me to pop a pill to cope. I had an extremely hard time giving myself grace and accepting failure until I decided not to be real, not perfect. I gave up on showing off so I could show up for those who love me for me. Trust me, no one is going to make you feel bad that the turkey was overcooked or remember that your son had a stain his new flannel shirt for holiday pics. Let it go like Elsa did.

Grace Pro Tip #1

Don’t sweat the small stuff. Motherhood is messy, and you’re bound to not have everything put together. Allow yourself to make mistakes, but DON’T let yourself feel bad. Don’t simmer in disappointment.

Anyone else have an ever-growing list of things to do this month? It’s time to delegate. As the doer and keeper of all the things, it’s time to pass the torch to others and give yourself permission to not do everything right now. That endless pile of laundry that your hubby just can’t seem to fold correctly? Go ahead and let him. Do you have potatoes to mash, floors to sweep, dishes to wash? Create a chore chart for your kids to help out. They can sign up for an age-appropriate task to relieve you. Relinquishing that control is challenging, but I promise it’s so empowering. Don’t think of it as a failure to complete to-dos; it’s just a collective effort to tackle a bit at a time.

Grace Pro Tip #2

Write down a list of things you have to get done. Now, fold it in half. Do one half and the other half another day. Or better yet, dish out tasks to family/friends who can help you check off your boxes! It’s ok to not do it all. No one is keeping you accountable. There isn’t a scorecard at the end of this. If it can’t wait until tomorrow, then have a team to help out!

Taking “me” time seems like a luxury with three young kids. I used to feel so guilty locking myself in the bathroom to bathe in private or splurge on a $85 massage or new purse. I considered myself selfish for investing in myself. Not anymore! I make it a point to do something that brings me joy every day. Sometimes it’s binge-watching trash TV, sometimes it’s 30 minutes at the gym. You have permission to gift yourself happiness, however that looks for you. Remember, self care doesn’t always have to be spending money on yourself. It’s amazing how little things that seem like nothing slowly fill up your cup one drop at a time.

Grace Pro Tip #3

Feeling burnt out? Give yourself permission to say no. Spend more time doing things that make you happy. Treat yourself often – whether it be a cup of coffee at that cute new café, or maybe it’s a candle-lit bath with a good book. Invest in yourself. It’s impossible to pour from an empty cup. Chisel out 5-30 minutes a day to focus on bringing a sign of relief or a smile on your face! You deserve it.

We love to humble brag about our kids’ accomplishments, amiright? But when was the last time YOU were proud of yourself? If it’s been a hot minute since you felt a sense of pride for conquering, completing, or overcoming something, let’s change that! Make goals, complete them, and see how good you feel afterward. Share your wins with others and let them bask in excitement. Don’t be modest, mama. It’s time to put the spotlight back on yourself!

Grace Pro Tip #4

Do one thing a day that you’re proud of. Maybe that’s facing a fear, perfecting a hobby or trying a recipe, be proud of yourself more often. When you give yourself that feel good feeling, you’re more positive and apt to share positivity with others around you! Talk about a mood booster!

Whatever grace looks like for you, give yourself permission to own it. Release tightly wound expectations and stop shaming yourself for mess-ups. It’s ok – breathe in and out. Bottom line, don’t sweat the small stuff. The best gift you can give yourself is grace, love and light – not only for your kids, co-workers, friends, and partner, but for yourself. Always love yourself.

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