Pregnancy After Adoption: It’s the Same, But Different

“You’re going to make such a great mom!”

“Congratulations on having one of your own!”

“Are you journaling everything you’re experiencing in a pregnancy journal?”

“At least you get to breastfeed this time!”

O0fta. As a pregnant, adoptive mama of two, I have heard these words recently. All with good intent, and all kindly spoken as well-meaning people observe what I am experiencing – having a biological child after adoption.

But, what’s a girl to say? What’s a girl to say out loud?

How about…”Hey thanks, I’ve been a mom for 3 years, but this one will certainly seal the deal, eh?!”

“Well, I do have two of my own, but bless your heart, I know what you’re trying to say.”

“When we received the frantic call to bring our son home from the hospital there wasn’t quite time for journaling. So… it hasn’t exactly been a priority of mine, but I am documenting this growing bump!” 

“Well…there wasn’t a choice for me to breastfeed my other children, but they are healthy formula-fed kids! I will be giving breastfeeding a try. Any tips?” 

Our adoption journey wasn’t necessarily expected, wasn’t motivated by infertility, and was not just one, but two precious children that God gifted us with. So, when the time came to start thinking about adding a biological child, I honestly just wasn’t sure.

I know the foster care system. I know adoption. Can we handle having three?! Will I bond and attach as strongly as I have with our children? Let’s just stick with what we know.

However, as I sit in the doctor’s office in my third trimester, it’s clear.

Although it’s different, it’s also breathtakingly the same…

My children were wanted.

This baby is wanted.

There was pain and difficulty in the adoption process.

There has been pain and difficulty in carrying this baby (and birthing hasn’t even occurred yet).

So much learning occurred when my children came home.

So much learning is occurring as I navigate my body and prepare to bring her into this world.

Family and friends were immediately starry-eyed upon meeting our two children.

Family and friends, and now two older siblings, are preparing to be absolutely smitten when this baby girl arrives.

Two children were gifted to us through amazing love.

One biological baby has been gifted to us through amazing love.

Yes, the differences are real. Yes, there are bittersweet days as I carry this baby where I long to have carried my children. But, the similarities run beautifully deeper.

If you’re an adoptive mama, you have loved and you have fought to bring your baby home.

If you’re a mama through birth, you have loved and you have fought to bring your baby home.

And if you happen to be both, then please welcome me into the space where our children and our world witness firsthand what makes a family, what bonds us, and how life is given to each person.