We have great lessons to learn on our journeys. Often times we learn those lessons through our mistakes and hardships. It’s a human condition that allows for growth. We’ve been learning from our mistakes since the day we were born. When we learn to walk, talk, write and create we follow the same steps. Mistake, adjust, retry, rinse, repeat. The younger the child the gentler the consequences from a social viewpoint. When parents release their own attachment to social construct, even older children can flourish while being allowed to learn from the school of life.
Your Child is Always on Their Path.
Your child is always on their path. Even when they fail and make mistakes. Struggle makes us part of who we are. You see, we can’t be saved from our own story because we are the hero. And what do we know about hero storylines? Heroes make mistakes, they fall, they sometimes even hurt others…. but then they come back stronger than ever.
Sometimes life leaves you humming “merrily, merrily, life is but a dream.” Other times you feel pain, despair and hopelessness so intensely you don’t know if you can take another second. In that pain, and with the right perspective, there are opportunities for growth. Events or people that seem to be pulling you away from your bliss may be redirecting you. They may be helping and keeping you on your path, regardless of outward physical appearances. You can find peace of mind in recognizing you are always on your path. Your children are always on their path.
Control is Only a Perception
Recognizing our child’s mistakes as redirection and not as failures creates a powerful shift in your parent-child dynamic. When you release your perception of control and prevention you set your child up to understand the gentle guidance you can offer. It also empowers them to realize the gifts of experience, natural consequences and the responsibility they have over their own life path.
Responsibility is not necessarily taking the blame or being shamed for something, the way we’ve been programmed to accept the word. Responsibility for events in our lives is about awareness of the big picture. It’s about seeing how our own participation plays a role in the escalation of outcomes. It also requires patience for the unfolding of events and reflection in recognition of lessons.
The Two Gifts of Consciousness
Consciously embrace your life events and your child’s mistakes and you will discover two gifts:
One, that life only offers love. Even when we fail and everything seems to be falling apart, there is a beautiful lesson in self-realization and growth. We have to be open to seeing that lesson to grasp it.
Two, that there is a purpose in our pain. We can find our own purpose in feeling the repercussions of our child’s choices and mistakes. Other times, and oftentimes simultaneously, it is your child’s purpose coming to light. We learn so much through our pain. Sharing that journey of self-realization helps us and others grow and heal.
As if love and purpose aren’t gifts enough, your child learns to live true to their own internal moral compass. When they learn to own responsibility for their experiences there is no more victim mentality or looking for others to blame. Instead, there is a lot more looking within for guidance. You get to guide them as they learn these important lessons.
But where to start?
Our past can offer incredible insight and lessons, so I encourage you to answer these reflective questions and find guidance in your answers.
What is something my child did that embarrassed me and felt really big?
What did I do to try to fix it or prevent it from happening?
What did I tell my child about my thoughts on their choice/mistake?
Was there a natural consequence and did I allow them to experience that consequence?
Did it end up being as big of a deal as it felt in the moment?
Did your child show you that they learned from the experience with their future choices?
Remember, dear momma, breathe, let go, and trust. Your children are capable of surprising you in all the most beautiful ways when they take compassionate responsibility for their lives.
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