Mom friends: Quality Over Quantity

Missing my Mom Friends

Mom friends. If you’re like me, this term may give you a bit of anxiety. Do I have enough? If I make more, will I have time for them? How do I make new friends? Do I value my friends more than they value me? The older I get, the more I realize I value the quality of my friendships over the quantity.

The seasons of life will cause friends to enter and leave. And that’s okay.

We have our high school friends. Our college friends. Maybe some of us have our “going through divorce friends.” And “Later in life, where have you been” friends? Some of them will come, some will go, and some will kind of float in between. Regardless of the season of life, you meet them in, they all hold a valuable place in your story.

I am a deeply feeling person. Because of this, whenever the other person has decided the friendship has served its purpose and moved on, it has always felt like a punch in the gut. I would find myself wondering what I did wrong. Did I upset them? Did they wake up and decide they don’t want to be my friend? Unlike romantic relationships, there isn’t a dramatic ending or a conversation. You just quit talking. And that’s okay.

Watching my middle school daughter navigate friendships, I realize I must practice what I preach.

Having a 12-year-old daughter, I feel like we have the heart to hearts about friendships once a month. I’m constantly reminding her to choose her friends carefully. Life is not about having the most friends. It is about having a few select friends that you can count on. It’s easy to give someone that advice, but it is more difficult to follow through. Whether you are 12 or 40, at some point, you will likely find yourself with a friend who is just plain not good for you. Helping her navigate these waters has been like looking in a mirror for me. You should never give your kids advice that you would not follow yourself. This is no exception.

Don’t force new friendships.

As an adult, I’ve found myself in some friendships that just felt off. I tried to make them work for many reasons (wives of significant others, etc.). If you are finding it difficult to click, don’t force it. If you aren’t particularly fond of them, I am sorry to tell you they probably aren’t crazy about you. Suppose you wonder how they speak about you when you’re not present. HARD PASS. As moms and wives, we have so many places to spend our energy. Utilizing that energy on surface-level friendships is just plain silly.

Find your people and love them hard.

I will never admit to having a massive amount of friends. But I am very proud of the solid friendships that I do have. I am one of the lucky ones who could call my middle school friends in a pinch, and I know they would be there. I can say the same about a couple of friends I’ve met in my 30s. Depending on what is happening in our lives, I may see them monthly or go an entire year without seeing them in person. Regardless of what’s going on, we try to connect periodically. We understand how busy life is, and we don’t take offense if a text isn’t responded to for three days (or maybe not ever). Have the same values and views on life, marriage, and parenting. We can get all dolled out to go out or would be just as happy wearing our ugliest sweatpants and hoodies. You have no BS, no façade; take me as I am, people. Those are your people. Don’t let them go.

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