“Treat others as you would want to be treated”
Almost everyone hears this phrase starting at a young age. Usually when it has to do with hitting siblings or learning to share at daycare/preschool. As you get older – you find it applies more and more. You could say it applies everywhere – in the workplace, in relationships, at home, anything.
There’s another kind of inclusivity that doesn’t always come up and makes many people uncomfortable.
Disability inclusiveness is becoming more and more mainstream and is SO important. For years and years, disabilities weren’t something you talked about – they were something you whispered about. Or you tried not to stare as they walked (or wheeled) by. Or you hushed your kids when they asked loudly “Mommy why is that person that way?”
When two of my children were diagnosed with autism in 2017 and 2018, most of my extended family had no idea how to interact with them. None of them had encountered so much as a learning disability – never mind a major neurodevelopment disability times TWO. Let’s just say that for a long time, we received a lot of stares at the family events we did go to.
Why is disability inclusiveness so important ? How can I teach my kids to be inclusive?
Just like the golden rule – people who are disabled want to be treated the same as everyone else. They have interests and dislikes just like you. They want to have friends and learn new things. They may have to do things differently or learn a different way than other people but they still want to be part of things other people do.
It’s not always the big things. The little things can truly make a difference too.
Say hi to them (or back to them)!
Disabled people are often silently stared at or ignored when they greet people in public. A mom I know recently share about this happening to her child and it broke my heart. A simple “hi!” can truly make their day. Even better if you use their name. This makes them feel seen. No one likes to feel ignored. You may not realize it but they do notice.
Listen!
If they are verbal, they will likely want to tell you all about whatever their newest obsession is. My daughters are not able to verbally share their interests but will love if you sit with them while they do puzzles, sensory bins and paint with water. You might learn something you never knew about trains or baseball or whatever their interest is. Just a few minutes of time shared can help someone feel less alone.
Notice!
Disabled people have learned to live in a world that was not made for them. While our world is getting better, more awareness and inclusion to make it a truly inclusive place is the biggest goal. Look around. Show your kids. How are disabilities preventing people from being able to do something that you CAN do? The person in the wheelchair needs ramps and elevators to be able to go from floor to floor; a deaf person uses ASL, hearing aides and other tools to help them hear. A person with limb difference has to use their one hand for everything. A person with sensory disorders needs a quiet space and special tools to help them relax.
Do they have siblings or aides? Take hints!
The mom of a medically complex child (@mainstreetheartfam) recently shared on social media that if you are concerned how to be around a disabled person – look to those around them. Siblings of disabled or special needs kids are some of the bravest, most resilient kids you’ve ever meet. If they’re older and have an aide with them – approach the aide that you’d like to say hello but you’re nervous.
It is okay to ask questions !
As all parents know, children are inquisitive creatures by nature. It’s okay to let them ask questions. Disabled persons generally do not mind answering simple questions about their life and how it is different than those who are not disabled. Education is a huge part of inclusivity. While teaching your kids that it’s ok to ask questions – making fun is not okay. Different does not mean bad or weird. Different just means not the same as you.
One last piece of wisdom I leave you with is that when thinking about how to react or treat special needs children – remember the golden rule and apply that to your own kids as well. Treat them as you would want your own kids to be treated by others.
